Embracing Change: The Myth of Consistency in Personal Growth
COUNSELLING
Written by Rachel Mehaffey
Embracing Change: The Myth of Being One Consistent Person Throughout Life
The idea we should discover who we are, remain consistent and resist change is limiting and quite frankly unrealistic.
I've heard this ideal parroted in a number of ways across my life time so far. Everytime said with an underlying tone of negativity and disdain.
'Oh my gosh, you've changed..'
'Leave your personal life at the door..'
'I just don't know who you are anymore..'
'Jazz hands, no one needs to know what is really happening in side..'
Have you ever been told that you need to stay consistent and unchanging throughout your life. Even more than that, when you work on yourself and bettering who you want to be, others in your life almost take offence to it. Despite all the hype around 'growth' and 'personal development' movements when you actually do the work and make the changes there are guaranteed to be people who are in opposition of your growth. Like you bettering yourself and changing is somehow a negative reflection on them. The idea that we should be one consistent person is not only unrealistic but stifles personal growth and anyone who is resisting changes in your is not one of your people.
Ok, so I understand the need for consistency. Bi-polar and schizophrenia (to name clinical conditions) are not what I am talking about here. What I am talking about is the fact no one person can remain the same person throughout their life times and no single person is the same day in and day out. How can we be with changing environments, growing emotions, new experiences and learning daily. A muscle purposefully used everyday will not remain the same, it will grow. If you only work one of them it will outgrow the other and take on more of the load. By virtue they are biceps two they are the same but in constitution they have grown to become different.
The movie Inside Out and its sequel Inside Out 2 perfectly illustrate how embracing change and evolving emotions are essential for a balanced life, so I'm going to use them for the purpose of simplified example.
A Recap of Inside Out
To understand the natural changes and shift in personality and presence, let's revisit Inside Out 1, which follows Riley from birth. As a baby, Riley’s mind is simple, governed primarily by Joy, who aims to keep her happy. As she grows, other core emotions—Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust—come into play. These emotions help Riley navigate various experiences, and her memories are stored as colored orbs, forming the core aspects of her personality.
The Role of our first Childhood Emotions
Joy: Dominates Riley's early years, aiming to keep her cheerful and optimistic. Joy predominates a child who is cared for, nurtured and safe. There is no experience impacting the elements of her emotions.
Sadness: Initially seen as a burden, but essential for emotional depth and empathy. Sadness’s role becomes more prominent as Riley faces complex situations. Complex in the eyes of a child being the need to communicate hunger or express a desire to be changed. Sadness is the opposition of joy to communicate need.
Anger, Fear, and Disgust: Showing up as Riley's world starts to become more multifaceted. The introduction of solid foods, of new friends and of more diverse and complex situations. These emotions seem to bundle in all at once with the aim of helping Riley respond to challenges and protect her from harm, playing crucial roles in her overall well-being.
Let's look at the foundational change in Riley's life where her family moves to San Francisco, the disruption triggers a struggle between Joy and Sadness. Joy’s attempt to suppress Sadness backfires, causing a chaotic mix of emotions that distance Riley from her parents and friends. A great change in environment sets off a foundational change in the person Riley is becoming. The core memories start to shift, more complex feelings start to grow and who she was is no longer supporting who she needs to be to grow. Ultimately the teaching is, stifling one emotion to remain the same or resist change only bottles up it release and becomes damaging. That change is inevitable and who we are is meant to grow and become multifaceted.
We see a child go from navigating life's inception to growing into a little person with their own thoughts and feelings. Even in this smallest of timelines we see Riley change. What she likes, what makes her feel safe and who she wants to be all starts to shift and create new connections while severing others.
The Evolution: Inside Out 2
Sticking with the growth of Riley (cause she relates to all of us) lets follow the transition to adolescence seen in the sequel. Still a relatively short period in the span of life which for most of us brings little life altering change but still turns who we are and what we want completely on its head.
Inside Out 2 picks up with Riley as a 13-year-old, right smack bang where my girl Poppy is now. The emotions we have come to understand and work with suddenly find themselves pushed aside and sharing space with new emotions and challenges. What we have learned to expect of who Riley is once again changes. The sequel delves deeper into her emotional landscape, highlighting the complexities of adolescence and giving a key example of how no one person can ever remain exactly the same.
The Introduction of Teenage Emotions
Anxiety: Emerges to prepare Riley for social and academic pressures. Anxiety's presence normalizes the feeling of worry about the future and navigating uncertainty. Like a bull out of a gate Anxiety shows up with good intentions to make sure there are no unexpected events in the future and trying to control all possible outcomes in Riley's life. Well in tended anxiety takes over all other emotions and creates chaos.
Envy: Surfaces as Riley compares herself to her peers, particularly in a social media-driven world. While Envy can motivate improvement, it also challenges her self-esteem. She sees herself as not cool enough, failing if she doesn't qualify for the Ice Hockey team as the youngest insert to the team EVER. She sees being the best as the only way to being good enough and everything needs to be compared to those around her. The worst of it - someone else's success can only mean she is failing.
Embarrassment: Becomes more prominent, reflecting Riley's heightened self-consciousness and awareness of how others perceive her. Messing up is the end of the world and a clear message she is not good enough. She needs to become like those around her in order to fit in and if she stands out in any way less than exceptional she is mortified.
See the complexity we felt in the birth to teen years we grew into and learned to identify with. Then the internal landscape changed and new emotions came to party with hormone inceptions and more complex experiences and life interactions. The colours inside her were a whirl wind changing not only who she was as a person but how she felt in any given moment in time.
Embracing Change: A Natural and Necessary Process
Both films underscore the importance of allowing ourselves to embrace grow and change. To accept new emotions and experiences as part of developing a balanced and realistic sense of self. Change is inevitable and essential for personal growth. As we evolve, it's crucial to give ourselves permission to redirect, leave behind what no longer serves us, and embrace new facets of our identity.
We never stop growing and changing. We continue to build new memories, change priority of core ones and shift what we see as crucial to who we are. No one can remain the same. Even if we stick with the simplicity of each emotion being defined as a set colour and all working together, no one person can have a set presence of each colour at any given time, we are a spectrum at best.
So how is society and the single narrative telling us we need to be consistent. Need to remain the same so we are known by and accept in social circles and life. The idea we are never shifting and once we find our people they will never change is like planting a tree in the backyard of a house you are renting out to others yet expecting to sit under its shade. We have to know it is ok to grow. To change what we want and to not want what we once did. We have to be ok with outgrowing some of the core people in our lives and just as fine with being outgrown.
It is scary, I get that, nothing ever stays exactly the same. It's beautiful in the same breath too. If we can accept the fluidity of who we are and give others the freedom to flow beside us no one is ever held in one place and those who are meant to find us have the open space to do so.
Embracing change is not just about adapting to new situations but about giving ourselves the freedom to evolve. As the movies Inside Out and Inside Out 2 illustrate, change is an integral part of who we are and who we become. 🌟
Keep it Simple - Sugar
Rachxx
I'm Rachel Mehaffey
Hey, I'm a Single Mumma raising her little lady while running her own business & teaching others it's never too late to start again.
I love working at home in my trackies with my 2 pups snuggled in my lap. My mission, to help others back themselves to live the life they want with no doubts every darn day!
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