What The Pandemic Taught Me I Wanted to Change In My Life
COUNSELLING
Written by Rachel Mehaffey
I changed, when the world did
Perhaps it was laying out the 50+ paintings I had creatively accumulated over the past few year having never painted a day in my life before, or perhaps it is the closing into yet another new year. But, while diving for leaves at the bottom of the pool I started thinking
It has been a crazy couple of years but hell it has taught me so much! And that is the thing about life, its often the most destabilising of times that brings out the resilience, shows us what we are made of and gives us the directions we never thought we wanted but now love.
COVID 19 was one of these times, it still is. Let's face it, the world changes. For my life I renamed it for what it offered me, what it gave: the cleansing, has most definitely changed a lot.
We cover all the widely reached negatives daily. Health and finances are its tided topics but, what about the wider ripples? There are parts of the pandemic that have not necessarily been bad. There has been forced change, a world perspective shift & a new way of living.
As I float in the tank pool outside my mind wanders to my heart and the soul sinks into the skin for me to see all the things we now have for the better. Not necessarily for comfort but, the better.
We have learned to work independently. What was once a company led ant march one by one to a work location loathed and time wasted in travel has been replaced with the ability to catch up on the washing, to snuggle the pets while we put the dinner in the oven all the while working with more efficiency than we ever did in a cinched suit and 9am-5pm. Autonomy may have been forced (to the disdain of micromanagers) but, it has truly shown us work-life balance and how technology truly has enabled flexibility if we choose it.
Time management is down to how I want to use my time, not just how I want to pass it Monday to Friday. Those who were not meant for the job they were doing floated to the surface and could choose to be freed.
I learned the work I do isn't necessarily my soul's passion. Does it fill me up? Is it my spark? No. But getting creative showed me I could change the space in which I did the work to feel fuller. Leaving corporate for Charity made all the sales and driving of revenue (the part of my work I don't love), worth it. I finalised the learning, this is not what I want to do for the rest of my life and, I have started to find the sparks igniting me and working them on the side. Not all changes need to be instant but we have to insist on making them in the journey to our end goal.
We learned where our real relationships sat. So many couples forced into days without external distractions, split up. The dating apps went crazy with 'recently out of a long term relationship' or, 'single parent with kids - new to this'. Sadly, this was the surge but some went the other way. With nuptials not allowing a crowd, a lot were postponed but many I saw, in my opinion, those who were more than the celebration and ring, realised the delay of their wedding date was not ok. The white dress and the pointless table favours were irrelevant when it came to saying 'I love you' forever - they eloped and pressed fast forward.
In short, the reality of partnerships were exposed. Warts and all. No distractions. Do I love thee or do I need to be free? Meant to be weathered the storm and the rest were given the blessing of change.
Families were separated by distance, and that sucked. But we learned how lucky we are in the age in which we live. Social media, facetime, instant messages, and connectivity 24/7! It highlighted how old I now am! A memory of moving to the UK at the age of 17 in a time there were no mobile phones. Email was just getting up and running on ADSL and the postman took a good 2 weeks to deliver a handwritten letter. When I missed someone in distance back then - they were out of sight, never mind. Touch in COVID was forfeited but not contact. I appreciate that.
' Actions speak [way] louder than words' - became a mantra. When the ready-made pass card is ever present for all to use, it is an eye opener to see who dealt it like monopoly money and who remained invested. Friend groups whittled away for so many when the actual eventuation of retaining them required effort. Took planning and prioritisation. Meant that to make plans and meet was not just to pass the time but because the time was precious with the people you were meeting. Those who walked the extra miles and caught the train in a sea of masks. Those who sat at a distance at isolated tables in the outdoor pub just to be in your space - were worth their weight in gold. When words are so readily available and screen time the norm, it was those people, and you if you were one to others, who made the physical effort to show up who matter most.
I learned the difference between the things I feel obligated to do and those I actually want to do. Excuses only delay the date of obligation and just saying no, I don't want to was a blessing. Our time spent with the company became time limited and a selective process, fundamental. There were no longer unlimited minutes to live in lip service and activities we really could not be arsed to do or do with certain people.
I saw how many selfish humans who are scared of their own selves, exist. So many puppies 'purchased' to placate a space where the reflection of the mirror was too much to handle. Those babies now sitting in shelters waiting for a forever home which will never come because their 'owners' decided the lip service and vacuity of others was far more fulfilling than the unconditional love of their fur baby.
This particular learning sits ill in my soul. My babies, adopted BEFORE the world went into hiding, are my world. I love them selflessly and without expectation and assumed all others did the same. I saw this is sadly untrue.
But to draw a positive - My realisation of purpose.
If in finding purpose we need to look to the thing we cannot look past. What sickens us and breaks our hearts is what drives us to action. Well I looked and I saw - Animals are more deserving of love than most people and therein lies my purpose. Rescuing those I can and affecting change longer term is my desired legacy. What do I want to do with my life? Now I know.
And home. Our homes. The places we live are more than just a roof and 4 walls. It is where we create a sanctuary. So live only with those who fill you up. Don't negotiate on personal space and make what you have, beautiful. My home is my safe place. The backyard is for growth, I won't overlook it for a weekend on the wines. The pool is my place of rebalancing, its water is where I find peace, and I will tend it. The stairs and all the fur is a right of passage when living with a house full of pets and sweeping is an acceptable workout! The smell of fresh linen is soothing and the birds in the trees brighten my day. The sunset at night is settling and this piece of the world is mine.
The house is not just bricks and mortar, she is my hearth, and my investment in her needs to enrich and keep growing. She is the space into which I will invite those I choose to love most.
I found parts of me I didn't know were waiting to be freed. Like toothless the dragon (you know if you know) finding his spikes! I found running is a place of mindful peace, not pain.
I discovered painting and creation waiting to come out.
I put my words to pages and realised I am not afraid to share any of them. My inner world is comfortable in its vulnerability and my willingness to live there is a credit to my soul and its ability to thrive unchained.
My music is only limited by my application to learning the new ivory tools and at the piano's face, I feel whole. Music was always my "calling"and this isolation has taught me, it's never too late.
I worked out too much wine does not make for a meaningful life and mornings are so much brighter met at sunrise.
Travel. What I once took for granted. A tick box. Egypt. Turkey. Dominican Republic. Jamaica. France. Italy. Greece. Spain. Portugal. USA. Fiji. Vanuatu. Thailand. Singapore. Malaysia. New Zealand. Germany. All the places I have visited were not truly explored and my bucket list has grown in the beauty of the wider wanderings. I want to be a part of this big bright world. Money spent on experiences is the best investment and my goal. Who knows - with the evolution of adaptive workplaces - maybe the world is the very oyster we seek (although i do hate oysters - all squishy).
And at the center of it all - being alone doesn't mean being lonely. In truth, being comfortable in your own company. Ok in your own skin. Being happy to sit with yourself and not needing to escape is irreplaceable. Being with yourself is the most beautiful belonging and the very starting point to adding value in this life.
I guess it is the time of year or perhaps it is just in the measuring of time all of this is purging to the surface.
But sometimes in adversity - we rise.
Perhaps we are pushed into being present because as a race, we like to preoccupy our minds and distract our hearts in order to sit in service of the convenience and schedule we are fixed to on the train tracks of life.
We are meant to be present in this life. Meant to feel it - the good and the bad. We are not exempt from life and putting our heads in the sand serves no one. Each and every one of us has a choice to show up how we want in the life we are given, and its a short one at that.
I choose to live it
Keep it simple - Sugar
Rach xx
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