What Princess Stories Really Tell Us About Happiness & Struggles

COUNSELLING

Written by Rachel Mehaffey

woman in black bikini in water
woman in black bikini in water

What Disney tells us is not the whole truth - Are we setting kids up to fail?

Alright, let's dive in. Perfection is unrelatable, happily ever after is not a preformed ideal and life is not meant to be easy!

A few hard truths but there is method to my rant. We live in a day and age where it is so easy to think there are people out there living an effortlessly perfect life. Who have everything in place and there is not hardship, trial or inner pain. Social media has offered this platform for the world to feed off but it stems far beyond the world of socials and connectivity it has been part of social conditioning since, well as long as I can tell it has always been there.

A great comparison because it is relatable, in most households and knows largely as harmless viewing for kids come in the form of disney, more specifically its princesses. We all know Disney princesses: they're beautiful, sing catchy songs, and usually end up living "happily ever after" with their princes. But what if I told you the original tales weren't so sugar-coated? The real stories behind the rose tinted glasses offers moral stories, life's messiness and a lot of suffering without the guarantee of a happily ever after.

Society keeps feeding us the line that women need rescuing to be happy and that life should be a breeze all wrapped in a tiny little waist and perfect face with a devoted prince and no money worries (in the end). I think it's time we took off the mask and looked at what story we are telling ourselves and our kids today!

I am choosing disney because it is a talk told a thousand times but I want to compare to the original tales. yep - not written by disney but originally tales of teaching. Let's see how the two reate and see how we choose to put on a veil of perfection when we want to view our lives and the world.

I am starting with Ariel - The Little Mermaid because it is my favourite. Yep, when i was 18 I was still watching this film religiously and my boyfriend at the times mother gave me the VHS (if you are as old as me you will get the reference) as a birthday present for my coming of age. Years later I went on to throw my girl a little mermaid themed birthday completely with figurines on the cake and an immersive world for her. She was 6. In all honestly the tale was of the ocean, pretty fish and nice music until I looked under its hood.

Ariel: A take of Sacrificing Self vs. Self-Acceptance

In Disney's version of The Little Mermaid Ariel is a free spirited fun loving mermaid who desperately wants to live on the surface. She saves a human man from drowning and falls in love with hims deepening her desire for the human world. To be with him she willingly gives up her voice to the sea witch to be with Prince Eric. After a little mistaken identity he chooses her and they live happily ever after with the traditional ending of marriage and united families. She gets her prince and her voice back, and all is well in both the underwater kingdom and her new realms on land.

The original tale told by Hans Christian Andersen's is somewhat different.
In Andersen’s version, the story is much darker. The same desires of a little mermaid drives Ariel to sacrifices her voice to be with the man she rescued from drowning, her prince. She cuts out her own tongue as the price to pay (which she never gets back) and is gifted her legs. Every step she takes on her new stems offers pain like stepping on knives or broken glass so she endures great pain in her sacrifice only for the prince to choose someone else and marry them! She’s left heartbroken and given the choice to kill her prince and return to the sea. She declines and instead drowns unable to swim and eventually dissolves into sea foam.


The original tale is a stark reminder of the dangers of changing ourselves for someone else. For seeing the grass as always greener and for assuming with sacrifice comes the happy ending. He picked another chick, she ended up isolated, alone and eventually died!

We are too often pressured to sacrifice parts of our identity to fit into societal norms or please others. Ariel’s story, especially Andersen’s version, highlights the importance of self-acceptance and loving the life we have, making the most of our environment and the risks of losing ourselves in the pursuit of external validation from another.

I thought I was just showing her a fun tale of a mermaid because she loved the ocean and swimming in the sea.

Rapunzel: Taking Control vs. Being Rescued


Disney's take on Rapunzel is the movie Tangled. In this depiction she is locked away in a tower having been kidnapped by Mother Gothel and held captive for her magic youth giving hair. She desires the wider world and eventually goes wandering. She uses her hair to escape the tower and embarks on an adventure, eventually falling in love by turning the bad boy good and finding her true identity as a heiress.


In the original story by Grimm, Rapunzel is locked in the tower by a witch and is discovered by a prince who climbs up her hair. The witch finds out about their meetings when Rapunzel inadvertently reveals her pregnancy. In a rage, the witch cuts off Rapunzel's hair and casts her out into the wilderness. The prince, upon returning and finding the witch, is blinded when he falls from the tower. Eventually, Rapunzel's tears restore his sight, and they live together with their children.


Today it has almost become the ideal and expected women wait for someone else to bring them happiness or change their lives. We set expectations of what we want in a match and expect them to show up with big bank balances, utmost respect and want to take care of us for life. Erm ...

What I like about Rapunzel’s story in "Tangled" is it teaches us that taking control of our destiny and making our own path is where true happiness lies. We don't need a prince; we need our own courage and initiative. The original tale, with its darker themes of struggle and resilience, reminds us that life is messy and complex, but strength and love can prevail.

In real life you cannot change anyone, there is not a bad boy out there turned good for love and in life there are actions and there are consequences but you ultimately have to own both sides of the coin. You cannot expect to show up and be pampered without bringing something real to the table and life waits for no one so, by being idol in expectation of what you want you are likely to sit in that tower alone, better to work at life and the ones we care for.

Pocahontas: Romanticized Peace vs. Real Struggles


Pocahontas is based on true and harrowing tales. In the Disney version this silky haired goddess is free and portrayed as a peacemaker who falls in love with handsome John Smith ultimately helping to bring harmony between her people and the settlers. It’s a story of love and unity when painted for a fairytale.


Historical reality paints it very differently. The real Pocahontas faced kidnapping, ransom, and was taken to England where she lived a life far from the romanticised version presented in the tall stories of the disney realm. Her life was filled with hardship and adaptation to new cultures.


Disney’s Pocahontas depicts a romanticised relationship between Pocahontas and John Smith, leading to a hopeful message of peace. Historically, Pocahontas’s life involved cultural clashes, captivity, and her marriage to John Rolfe, not John Smith. Her story is marked by personal tragedy and the complexities of colonization, far removed from the romantic narrative presented by Disney. There was no choice in her marriage, no love to be spoken of only a strategic partnership and bloodshed was rife in mans desire to conquer as always.

Belle: Changing Others vs. Inner Beauty


Disney's version of Beauty and the Beast shows Belle falling in love with the Beast despite his appearance, rage, resentment and reclusive nature. It messages that through her love, he transforms back into a ' perfect' prince. It’s a story about seeing the beauty within. Disney holds quite close to the truth of the original in this tale, which is admirable.

The Original Tale as told by Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont's "Beauty and the Beast" is quite similar, but the emphasis on the story is of Belle’s virtue and patience. The story is not about winning the beast over or working her life around his it is about overcoming her own perceptions of the external and showing compassion and tolerance to another's pain. The transformation of the Beast is seen as a metaphor for inner growth and redemption aligned to her growth story of tolerance and acceptance


Disney’s Beauty and the Beast focuses on Belle's romantic relationship with the Beast, whose transformation signifies true love’s power. The original story by Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve emphasises Belle’s virtue and the Beast’s moral redemption. Belle's journey is about her compassion and integrity, with less focus on a romantic rescue and more on mutual growth and respect.

No one is perfect, everyone screws up, no one likes to be told what to do and ultimately you have to work on yourself to grow. This one is all about the inner story of both characters and how they work on themselves to want to be together in the end. This is far more true to life than a beast turning into a handsomely built, buff prince who loves you endlessly. Love beauty is on the inside and seeing it in someone else,l as well as yourself should be where the virtue lies.

Snow White: Passive vs. Resilient

The very first Disney to be made. When you watch this one back it shows how far we have come in the world of animation and AI yet, the story being told has not seemingly shifted as progressively in many areas of the messaging. Here we see Snow White depicted as a passive heroine who needs rescuing by the prince of her story to achieve her happy ending. The tale concludes with a romantic and idealised “true love’s kiss.”

This is another Grimm (excuse the pun) tale, where Snow White faces not one but multiple attempts on her life and survives through cunning and help from the dwarfs, not just a prince. Her revival in the glass coffin (yep for all the glory of decay to be displayed), is accidental (the apple dislodges), not a romantic act after all. The prince's role in this tale is minimal, emphasising that her survival isn't solely dependent on his love, it involved chance and the more influential saviours and companions were the 7 unsuspecting and cast out men in the dwarfs. The story concludes with the queen being forced to dance in red-hot iron shoes until she dies, highlighting themes of justice rather than romantic fulfillment.


In Disney's version, Snow White is a sweet, passive princess who relies on the love and rescue of a prince for her happy ending, signaled by a true love’s kiss. The Grimm version tells a darker tale where Snow White survives multiple murder attempts by her jealous stepmother through her own resilience and help from the dwarfs and the takeaway is more about resilience despite adversity and true companionship where you least expect it as well as redemption and true justice for wrong doing in attempted murder!

Cinderella: Magic Transformation vs. Inner Strength

If you are asked to speak of a disney film I would hazard the name on the tongue to be Cinderella. Cinderella, real name Ella's happiness is tied to marrying the prince. Given the nickname Cinderella from her stepsisters and stepmother because she would be so worn out at night she would fall asleep by the fireplace, covering herself in ashes and cinde. The fairy godmother aids her in one night of beauty where she wins the heart of the prince above all other fair maidens and is rescued from her miserable life.

The Grimm version sees Cinderella take an active role in seeking her happiness rather than just the company of mice and a defeated existence. Her escape from her stepfamily involves cleverness, planning, cunning and divine assistance (from her mother's spirit in the tree), rather than a prince's intervention. Here we see justice once again forming a frontline in the tale with the gruesome disfiguration by her stepsisters of their feat cutting of chunks in desperation and to the bidding of their mother in order to fit into the glass slipper. This shifts the focus to justice rather than romantic rescue.

In Disney’s Cinderella, the titular character's happiness is tied to marrying the prince, with a fairy godmother providing magical assistance. The Grimm version, Aschenputtel, portrays Cinderella as more active and resourceful, seeking her own happiness with help from her deceased mother’s spirit. The stepsisters mutilate their feet to fit the slipper and are punished by having their eyes pecked out by birds, highlighting themes of justice and moral retribution over simple romantic rescue. That being authentic and good at heart will surface the virtuous attributes in the end and basically, don't be a dick.

Tiana: Hard Work vs. Magic Fixes

The last princess we look to is The Frog Princess Tiana, an aspiring restaurateur who kisses a frog prince and becomes a frog herself. Instead liberating the prince immediately to a prince she spend a time in the frog form venturing with him allowing them to get to know each other and work together. navigating the bayou to break the spell and achieve their dreams. Once again despite showing some progress in the themes of working together and getting to know each other without title being an influence, we see it is about a prince naming a princess and a happily ever after.

The original story by Grimm features a princess who reluctantly befriends a frog that transforms into a prince but only after she throws him against a wall in frustration. The story’s moral is more about keeping promises rather than romantic love and (not so gently) touches on domestic violence from the perspective of a woman being the instigator.

Disney’s The Princess and the Frog intertwines Tiana’s dreams with her romantic relationship with Prince Naveen, suggesting that love helps her achieve her goals. The Grimm version of The Frog Prince focuses on the princess’s reluctance and eventual acceptance of her promise, highlighting themes of integrity and personal responsibility. Disney’s Tiana is ambitious and determined, achieving her dreams with romance playing a supportive, but not central, role yet in order to do this she is presented as an aggressor and a masculine dominant.

Time to Rewrite the Story

Disney princesses, with all their glitter and magic, reflect outdated societal expectations. By comparing these tales to their original versions, we see the deeper, sometimes darker lessons about resilience, self-acceptance, and personal strength. True happiness doesn’t come from being rescued or living a struggle-free life. It comes from embracing our challenges, staying true to ourselves, and forging our own paths.

What I take from this is the need for more truth and authenticity in the tales we tell each other and our children. Sure, there has to be magic but a world seen through the lenses of rose tinted glasses is not a guaranteed 'happily ever after," more a recipe for disappointment and idleness. The focus on stories telling the attributes needed for anyone to succeed being strength, resilience, and self-discovery would lend themselves to inspire far more in our lives. We could begin with the truth being told in social media, it's a good place to start.

Keep It Simple - Sugar

Rach xx

I'm Rachel Mehaffey

Hey, I'm a Single Mumma raising her little lady while running her own business & teaching others it's never too late to start again.

I love working at home in my trackies with my 2 pups snuggled in my lap. My mission, to help others back themselves to live the life they want with no doubts every darn day!

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