The Single Narratives: The 3 Pillars Most Affecting Mental Health

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Written by Rachel Mehaffey

The 3 Single Narratives Hurting Our Mental Health

Ever feel like life’s just one big, pressure-filled race to fit into certain molds? Yeah, me too. These pressures often stem from what we call "single narratives." These narratives are societal expectations that push the idea there’s only one acceptable way to live your life. Let’s dive into what single narratives are, where they come from, and how they creep into our daily routines.

What Are Single Narratives?

Single narratives are these societal expectations that suggest there’s one 'correct' path to happiness and success. They’re sneaky, embedding themselves deeply into our culture and influencing how we think, act, and even dream, often without us realising it.

The Six Key Areas of Single Narratives

Finding a Partner
Building a Life Together
Career Stability
Personal Identity
Single Residence
Adherence to One Religion or Tradition

The Origins of Single Narratives

When it comes to the narratives most affecting who we are and a sense of self there are 3 that are top of my list. Finding a partner; remaining a consistent version of self without any change and; staying put in once place and never moving.

This trio tells us we have to be one version of ourselves waiting to find the perfect match, then settling down and never searching or exploring again. They link back into the reinforcement of negative beliefs so completely. The subconscious mind is responsible for 95% of what we think and feel about ourselves. From the time we are born through to the age of 7 years old, we are forming the core beliefs of who we are and what we should be doing in life without any room for change. These three then kick in reinforcing the need to follow the narratives and live a life without self development, growth, change or solo narratives. They literally anchor our sense of self and to live in the past. Let's explore a little further shall we.

Personal Identity

Ever felt like you’re supposed to stay the same person forever? The idea here is that we should maintain a consistent personal identity. This narrative suggests change is bad—a flaw even—rather than a natural part of growing. The idea you are one person without any change throughout life is unrealistic. Take the HIT of 2024 Inside Out 2 as a key example of just how many different colours come together to make up who we are. Add in the hormones, learning, and maturity and no one can logically stay the same. Let's dig into the background.

History:

Pre-Modern Era: Back then, who you were was tied to your community role, family, and job. Changing roles? Rare and usually discouraged.
Industrial Revolution: Stable, long-term jobs became a thing, reinforcing the need for a fixed identity. Choose a profession early and stick with it – that was the mantra.
Modern Era: Media loves the idea of "finding yourself" as a one-time event. This notion makes ongoing personal growth seem weird or wrong

Daily Life Examples:

Career: People are nudged to pick a career in the teenage years! Expected to know what they want and commit to it for the rest of their lives. Assuming who you are at 17 will be the same wants and needs making up the person of today.
Relationships: There’s pressure to keep a consistent personality to maintain stable relationships. Make your best friends and nurture them for life without permission to level up or outgrow anyone!
Self-Perception: The media glorifies steady personas, making it tough for us to embrace change or growth. The statement 'you've changed' is spoken in a negative tongue.

Finding a Partner

This narrative pushes the idea that you’re incomplete without a romantic partner. Society portrays finding a partner as a crucial milestone for happiness and success. It paints the picture that if you are single, somehow you are lesser or missing out. That to be single is a direct line to being lonely and alone. It takes away any liberation of solo achievements, instead belittling anything you do as being 'in waiting' for the one.

History:

Pre-Modern Era: Marriages were strategic, focused on economic stability and social alliances rather than personal fulfilment. In agrarian society they were land titles and literal property contracts in the days women were unable to how personal name to title. A dependence and financial alignment, nothing to do with love and the one.
Victorian Era: Romantic love became the ideal, but societal pressure to marry remained strong yet the reason behind marriage somehow shifted to finding the one person who could meet all of your needs and be your 'perfect match'.
Modern Era: Media and pop culture continue to romanticise relationships as essential for a happy life yet we have landed somewhere in the middle of wanting undying love and affection while in the constitution of marriage which is still a legally binding property and possessions agreement.

Daily Life Examples:

Media: Movies, TV shows, music videos and ads constantly depict romantic relationships as life’s ultimate goal ignoring the financial background of partnerships from the ages and fixating one one person meeting all of our needs and us theirs.
Social Pressure: There’s a strong push to date, marry, and start families by a certain age. For women it is a literal biological clock ticking whereby if you have not had kids by 35 your pregnancy is already geriatric and plagued with complications. So now not only do you have to find the one it is within a window of time. When it was just about financial security that ticking clock was easier to manage!
Economic Benefits: Married couples often get financial perks, like tax breaks, reinforcing the idea that being single is less desirable. This one I know about personally and it SUCKS. The amount of tax I pay as a single mum simply because of my ample income can defeat any ideal of trying to get ahead at times. Try taking yourself on a holiday only to find all the packages are always for couples and if you go single you pay a room tax. It ends up costing you more to be single than it does to have a partner!

Living in One Place

There’s this narrative that ties stability and success to having a permanent home. Frequent moves? Often seen as instability or lack of success. Moving around is seen as being nomadic or the modern coined term - A Wunderlust. The term rolls of the tongue with the tone of disdain if you don' want to make one place your home for life.

History:

Agrarian Societies: Stability was key for farming and community. There was a a literal need for livelihood to stay in once place. the contract binding you into partnership usually meant kids and the work anchored the man to the home. Moving around wasn’t really an option.
Industrial Revolution: Cities and stable jobs made staying in one place more appealing. Owning a home became a success marker. It was seen as the ticket to status and the more affluent you were the more successful.
Modern Era: Despite the rise of globalisation and digital nomadism, the societal ideal of owning a home remains strong. It is still the idea of 'setting down roots' and taking that next 'step' to family so while it is a milestone we are setting as a good thing to buy a home and stay in one place we are also then pricing ourselves out of the market. Look at the property market in Australia today! The investors own all the houses, old money holds the prime homes passing from generation to generation in the affluent suburbs and kids are simply priced out of being able to even afford their first and own home. Like a monopoly board without any consideration of spreading the wealth property portfolios have become everything!

Daily Life Examples:

Homeownership: Buying a home is viewed as a crucial adulthood milestone. If you don't own a home you are not seen as financially stable and living irresponsibly paying someone else's mortgage (great if you are one of the tycoons!)
Career Stability: Long-term employment in one location is often equated with professional success. Staying in one job with one company is seen as reliable, successful and attributed to excellence when really it is blinkered and without variable learning and change.
Community Ties: Staying put is associated with strong social ties and community involvement. Setting down and not leaving one spot is seen as growing the family ties. Your kids meet friends, you meet the parents and its set in stone for life. Moving around is seen as unstable and irresponsible almost as if someone is running away from reality without any social responsibility.

Why These Narratives Hold Us Back

Aside from the very obvious self limitation and square peg round hole theory, these beliefs and societal imprints literally tell us who we should be and define our success on a scale of 1-10 based on how well we have conformed.

Impact on Personal Growth

These narratives can really stifle personal growth, making us feel like we must conform to societal expectations. By tell us who we are meant to be or aspire to creating we are taking away any personal experience.

Let me ask you this .... When you listen to a song do you hear the lyrics or the beat first? Now lets dive deeper. Within that do you listen to the story of the song and connect when you relate to the words or do you find connection if you want to move to your body to the beat.

Already, there are 2 different ways to take in a song without even adding in the layers of lyrics and movement. Would you move in the same way as the person next to you if you closed your eyes and just danced? Would you interpret and feel the same thing as your friend when you both listened to the words and related them to personal experience? The answer, I will hazard to guess, is no. We are all different and our perception of the world is different, yet we are giving the world the same song and telling them how to move and feel about it to 'get it right' rather than just enjoying the song!

Emotional and Psychological Effects

Let's look at the idea of following a single path in life. Having to walk a road already laid out for you if you want to be seen as successful. That causes anxiety, low self-esteem, and a sense of inadequacy when, inevitably, you are not as driven to achieve it because your heart is not in it, all the while beating yourself up for not being invested or good enough. It can also lead to dissatisfaction and missed opportunities as we try to fit into these narrow moulds. We may be hitting the flags at the assigned rate but feel empty and void of passion because we are not living what we love we are following what we are told we should value.

Don't just take it from my ramblings though let's reference a 2020 study that found 60% of people felt societal pressure to marry by a certain age, leading to increased anxiety and depression. The fixation on finding the one to not be left on 'the shelf' and deemed desirable led to faulty partnerships, an increase in self-harm, and the idea of inferiority or defectiveness. How is this love?!

Moving Forward

The narratives are ingrained. They are seeded at the deepest levels of society and then woven over with complexities like cultural expectations and financial burdens. There is no simple way to solve them at a collective level but singularly, there is opportunity for great change! Recognising these limitations is the first step to breaking free from them. Understanding the origins and daily manifestations of single narratives helps us become more aware of their influence and start questioning them.

Questioning: How do I feel about that belief? Where does that fit into what I want for myself is key to unpacking the ideal versus your own life. Sure, there is some wisdom in the origins of the narratives, but in today's society, the opportunities to create who you are and what you want your life to be are endless if you just secure yourself and solidify what you want on the journey instead of getting carried away in the waves.

Let’s Connect! The narratives are not easy to overcome but that is the beautiful thing about power in numbers. If we can reform the way we see them at a singular level If we focus on who we are, what we want, and put our own blueprint in place for life collectively, the movement could really change what the layout looks like in the future. It is why I created the Mindset Shift focusing specifically on these 3 narratives, the ones that affect our sense of self the most. We need to take care of the singular to help the multiple in turn.

Stay tuned if you want to dive deeper into each of these narratives in upcoming posts. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—let's start a conversation about breaking free from these societal expectations!

Rach xx

I'm Rachel Mehaffey

Hey, I'm a Single Mumma raising her little lady while running her own business & teaching others it's never too late to start again.

I love working at home in my trackies with my 2 pups snuggled in my lap. My mission, to help others back themselves to live the life they want with no doubts every darn day!

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The Mindset Reset Reforming The Single Narratives

Say hi to the self that’s been hiding.

Mindset is your most powerful muscle. Society tells us how we should live our lives without change and in an approved way through The Single Narratives. This course reforms the top 2 affecting your mental health: Personal Identity & Relationship Status!

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Before you dive in ... Hey, I'm Rach!

I'm your in home life coach, self made single mumma to a super star, a real science nerd! My vibe is teaching you to reframe the Single Narratives & thrive!

A life coach, podcaster, educator & dog obsessed animal lover. I know my purpose is giving others the tools to Level Up in life no matter the cards that are dealt.

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