We Have To Change To Grow
MINDSET
Written by Rachel Mehaffey
Personal Identity Needs Change
Who we are is the most constant journey we all go on. We grow and we change. We learn and we forget what we have learned. The point is, no one is ever just one thing. What we think and feel about ourselves is the most important building block of life. We have to find what makes us comfortable in our skin and the confidence to stand proud in it but societal norms and expectations often pressure us to conform, discouraging individuality and making us want to just follow the crowd. It's a real catch-22 the message to 'just do you' but make sure it is in line with what everyone else is doing.
Personal identity is a mesh of your values, beliefs, personality traits, and sense of self. It is the foundation you build your life on, guiding your decisions and actions. A strong personal identity shows up with a sense of ease and confidence, resilience, and a sense of purpose. Research shows those with a well-defined sense of self are better equipped to handle stress and are more likely to experience higher levels of overall well-being and life satisfaction (Waterman, 1984).
Once again under the Single Narratives, society imposes rigid expectations on how we should live our lives stifling personal growth and authenticity and they are coming at us in many shapes and sizes:
Conforming to Popular Trends
It is everywhere! Societal push to follow trends in fashion, lifestyle, and behavior to fit in. Social media is a walking talking push to buy what is going to make you fit in and to follow the trends to keep riding the wave of conformity. The idea you don't like what everyone else does is almost rebellious. Sure, it is getting better but as long as we are idealising people world wide like the Kardashians we will have a fashion sense, a facial structure and a body image not our own. While fitting in makes it easier to blend into the crown studies show those who base their self-worth on societal standards and materialistic values are more likely to experience lower self-esteem and higher levels of anxiety not to mention feeling invisible!
Pursuing Traditional Life Paths
It is so clear there is a blueprint laid out for us to follow. Society promotes a linear path of education, career, marriage, and family. There is a set expectation we should flow through the stages and be happy at every turn but these are all major commitments. What if you don't want to norms or what if what you want changes? To commit to anything long term means knowing who we are and what we want not only now but all the way into the future. It makes no allowance for the fact we are grow and change! Yep every single one of us could be wholeheartedly committed to a career we love when we embark on the Uni journey only to find 10 years into the path our desires have completely changed because we have changed.
Seeking External Validation
The need for approval and validation from others can overshadow our own values and desires, leading to a reliance on external opinions rather than our inner voice. This is compounded once again by the fact we are growing and changing. As we change and level up we don't always do so at the same pace as those we have been building our lives with. The friends and partners who were a perfect fit may not be the same structure we need as we evolve. Every single one of us biologically is changing everyday. We can accept this but somehow we cannot make compassion or allowance for the fact who we are fundamentally is always changing too! The experiences we have, the people we meet the perspectives we have will alter who and what we are and if we continue to validate ourselves by the external anchors we will never allow ourselves the change we need to grow or if we do we will be working against opposing forces trying to keep us the same.
Tips from a coach on embracing self
Reflect on Your Core Values
Begin by identifying your core values—the principles that matter most to you. These are the things that pin you to yourself. The moral identity you shape what you embrace and what you oppose. These are the things that root you to who you are and they are different to everyone! There is a cool values assessment you can do that easily helps you isolate what you need in your life to feel peaceful. Knowing your values is a game changer. Check it out here
Embrace Your Unique Traits
Celebrate the qualities that make you unique. Whether it’s your sense of humor, creativity, or compassion, acknowledge and embrace these traits. Recognize that these qualities are what set you apart and contribute to your individuality. If we are all the same all we have to connect on is what we all know leaving a huge gap for authenticity. We need different perspectives, mindsets, viewpoints and talents to come together. There is a necessity for difference if we are ever going to grow and thrive as a society and that only comes from individuals standing in their shine. Evolutions comes from mutations in the genomes initially resulting in a stronger more evolved form.
Challenge Societal Standards
Don't be a yes person. Sure societal standards have a place and the intention of rigins was a well intended thing but you have to question societal norms asking if they align with your values. Reflect on how these standards have influenced your life and consider whether they serve your true self. Allow yourself to deviate from these norms without guilt or fear.
Seek Authentic Environments
Surround yourself with people and environments that support and appreciate your authentic self. These setting will change as you grow and change. They wont be permanent circles and not everyone in life with be forever. Accept as your level up and change so too will those around you supporting you. Support being the main message here. You cannot be supported to evolve if those supporting you aren't ready for the change.
Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself as you navigate the journey of self-discovery. Recognize that it’s okay to make mistakes and that personal growth is a continuous process. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend.
Questions I offer my clients
To further explore and affirm your personal identity, consider these journaling prompts:
What are my core values, and why are they important to me?
What unique traits do I possess, and how do they contribute to my individuality?
Which societal norms have I felt pressured to conform to, and how have they impacted my decisions and happiness?
What environments or communities make me feel most authentic and supported?
What personal goals can I set that align with my true values and aspirations?
Spend time reflecting on these prompts and writing down your thoughts. This exercise can help you gain clarity and reinforce your commitment to living authentically.
Building a strong personal identity is a vital step towards living a more authentic and fulfilling life. By reflecting on your values, embracing your unique traits, and challenging societal standards, you can create a life that truly aligns with your true self. In our next post, we will explore strategies for transforming your relationships and moving beyond traditional roles.
Stay tuned for more insights and practical exercises on your journey to personal growth and mindset transformation.
Keep it Simple - Sugar
Rach xx
I'm Rachel Mehaffey
Hey, I'm a Single Mumma raising her little lady while running her own business & teaching others it's never too late to start again.
I love working at home in my trackies with my 2 pups snuggled in my lap. My mission, to help others back themselves to live the life they want with no doubts every darn day!
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