Break Free from Single Narratives: Embrace Authenticity and Vulnerability
THE SINGLE NARRATIVE
Written by Rachel Mehaffey
Embracing Authenticity and Vulnerability: A Path to Deeper Connections
Ok, so I want to get real. There is too much narrative around being Single for my liking and, I am not just talking when it comes to relationships. There is so much singular in terms of expectations from knowing the one career path you want then following it for life to staying with the same company for 'loyalty' despite never being paid enough. There is so much single talk I want to flip it on its head.
Understanding the Single Narrative Trap
A single narrative is a simplified, one-dimensional view of ourselves or others. Society often pressures us to conform to these narratives and ideals overlooking the fact it is severely limiting personal growth and self-understanding. These scripts in societal lines they want us to follow can manifest in so many aspects of life, like career roles, social roles, and personal identities. The notion anything in life should be the same from start to finish is counterintuitive. In a world where nothing is ever static and everything is always changing we are asking of ourselves to know and find a single objective for life. Erm ... doesn't sit well with me.
Real-Life Impacts
The single narrative can lead to far more than just feeling stuck. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and restrict us from exploring our full potential. When we as individuals conform to these narrow views not only might we feel boxed in & unable to express our true selves but instead of standing out for the individual glory we are, we confirm and become part of the crowd. See it is easier to create predictability for a society that follows the pack but, this limitation affects not just individuals but society as a whole, stifling innovation, creativity, and empathy.
The Alternative is Embracing Complexity and Authenticity
Authenticity means living in alignment with one's true self, values, and beliefs, even when it goes against societal norms or expectations. For me this is the essence of life - living authentically. Going with your gut. Never being afraid to try and fail, then try again. It means acknowledging all aspects of ourselves, including strengths, weaknesses, and the unique traits we all have but so often push away and down.
Vulnerability is essential for true connection and self-acceptance. If we are operating in a real where our guard is up and the walls are tall towers so as to control our connections, there is no real connection at all. Thought leaders like Brené Brown highlight how vulnerability enables genuine relationships and personal growth. It involves being open about our feelings and experiences, even when it's uncomfortable. That means having the courage to say the career path is no longer for you or leaving a relationship because you are no longer growing even though it means being the dreaded 'single'.
Speaking both authentically and with vulnerability the single trajectory affecting me most is the one of 'being single'. I'm a single Mum. I have been for 14 years and she is my everything. I have dabbled back into the dating world and often go the question 'how are you single?!' A compliment, right? Well no necessarily. It was always said with the intonation of something being wrong with not being coupled. Like i was somehow lesser or on the shelf for being single and ok with it. It seemed like my single status was something I should be quickly remedying and the reason i had not done so already was an atrocity for those who thought I should be 'snapped up'.
But why? Sure, I was and am a single Mum. I can say I'm attractive because thanks to the genes from mum and dad I know I am and it doesn't make me conceited to acknowledge it. So I am attractive and single - cool. I also have a great career, a beautiful kid, bought & own my own home, am passionate about what I do and have myself sorted. So why do I need to be partnered to be seen as 'successful'? It is both a negative and a positive apparently. Apparently it is incredible I have it all in line and a credit to me I have done it alone but in the same breath there is apparently something lacking because I am single.
Confused much? I was. Then I started to look at it objectively. We put a narrative around it just like we do our careers, our age, our status when we are raising kids. We the individuals group together and create a societal norm for ourselves to adhere to then are reluctant to change it when we see outside the box. But surely if we created it, why can we not be the ones to change it. It has to start somewhere - right?
Personal Reflection - Let's Start With You (and me and everyone else!)
Reflect on your life and identify areas where you might be conforming to a single narrative. Start embracing your true self by exploring new interests, questioning societal expectations, and being open about your feelings and experiences.
Self-Reflection and Awareness
Take time for self-reflection to cultivate vulnerability and be more aware of your emotions and thoughts. Journaling or meditation can be effective tools for deepening self-awareness and understanding personal strengths and vulnerabilities. Getting comfortable in your own skin and with your own thoughts starts in the quiet space of just you. Get to know what you believe and be honest if they don't conform to what it expected.
Open and Honest Communication
Communicate openly and honestly with others, sharing both successes & struggles, feelings & opinions. Share with the ideal of fosters connection and understanding co communicate in the questioning of why we are on such singular paths. Only in connection can we create change. Practice active listening and empathetic responses.
We need to shift cultural norms to value and support authenticity and vulnerability. Be an advocate for change our own little community by modeling authenticity and supporting others in their journeys. Showing up as we are and being ok to say - this is not for me, is a small but pretty impactful way to start cause coupled is not for everyone, the same career could be the cause of burnout for some and most of us want to be able to grow and that means we have to change. When we change, everything around us does to so maybe it's time to stop simply towing the single narrative line but asking if perhaps paving another path is the best way to start.
If you too feel the pressure of the word single a heavy label specifically in relationships tune into this week's episode of th The Soul Stash podcast where I talk in depth on the notions behind single status and why it is about time we started to change them.
Keep It Simple - Sugar
Rach xx
I'm Rachel Mehaffey
Hey, I'm a Single Mumma raising her little lady while running her own business & teaching others it's never too late to start again.
I love working at home in my trackies with my 2 pups snuggled in my lap. My mission, to help others back themselves to live the life they want with no doubts every darn day!
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