Life Lessons for My Daughter: A Handwritten Letter She'll Cherish Forever
LIFESTYLE
Written by Rachel Mehaffey
A Mother's Letter to Her Daughter: Lessons for a Lifetime
This week, my daughter turned 14. Instead of the usual card that she carefully tucks away in her folder of memories, I decided to write her a letter. Why? Because one of the most cherished possessions I have is a handwritten letter from my own father.
When I was 18, I was living in the UK, far from home. It was a time when the internet was just starting to emerge, and mobile phones were brick-sized gadgets that only a lucky few could afford. My father faxed me a letter from halfway across the world. The curves and curls of his words were like a conversation, a tangible connection to him. Today, it’s one of the few pieces I have left of him. I can hold that letter, see his handwriting, and feel the time and effort he put into it. In an era where communication is often impersonal—reduced to emails, texts, or snaps—I am blessed with this piece of him on paper.
I had other letters, but I believe my sister may have destroyed them during my years abroad. Perhaps she didn’t appreciate the love he expressed for me on those pages. Yet, I have this one, and it’s why I wanted to give my daughter a similar gift.
While I’m not planning on going anywhere anytime soon (fingers crossed), I know how much it means to hold something from someone who is no longer around. My letter to her is a small snippet of life advice—lessons I wish I had known at her age rather than taking most of my life to learn and live by.
1. You Cannot Love Anyone Into Change
This is a tough one. It doesn’t matter how much you care for someone or how deeply you love them; you cannot love them into becoming someone they’re not. People are who they are, fundamentally. No amount of wishing or wanting can change that. You can't force a friendship or make a relationship work—it has to click naturally. And you need to be okay with that. It’s essential to respect differences, and if you can’t, sometimes it’s better to move on.
2. The Most Deserving Person of Your Love Is You
Yes, your family, friends, and partners deserve love, but no one deserves it more than you. This can be hard to grasp because you know yourself better than anyone—flaws and all. We often hide certain parts of ourselves from others, tailoring our personalities to fit better, but you can't do that with yourself. Loving yourself means accepting all your imperfections and committing to yourself before anyone else. We’re all a bit fractured, but that’s okay. Be as kind to your flaws as you are to the flaws of others.
3. People Grow and Change, and That's Okay
There’s a beautiful saying: “A reason, a season, and a lifetime.” Some people come into our lives to teach us something. They may only be around for a short time—just enough to open our eyes or change our direction. Others stick around a bit longer, but what we thought would last forever may eventually fade. These connections are part of our growth. Like a tree that loses its leaves in autumn, only to bloom again in spring, we grow and change, too. Not everything grows at the same pace, and that’s okay. Sometimes, letting go is kinder than holding on to something that no longer serves us. We must be okay with the impermanence of life. It’s scary but also liberating.
4. You'll Be More Than One Person in This Lifetime
No one remains the same person throughout their life. We all grow and evolve because life isn’t static, so how can we be? It’s okay to be fluid, to change your mind, and to take new paths. Each change is like adding branches to your ever-growing self. You don’t have to be consistent all the time—moods shift, feelings evolve, and inspirations come and go. Life is messy, but it’s in the mess that we find the unique quirks and beauty of existence. Following the crowd may keep you safe, but it will never let you shine. Embrace your differences and pursue your passions with all your heart.
5. When You're Unsure About Your Purpose, Look at What You Can't Ignore
Passion and purpose are closely linked. Your talents are what you’re naturally good at, and they might be what you’re here to share with the world. Your skills are what you’re trained in, and they’re often how you earn a living, but you can always retrain if your heart leads you elsewhere. Passion is what aligns with your values and beliefs, the things that light you up inside. Your mission is what you need to give back to the world. At the intersection of these elements, you’ll find your purpose. Often, pain is a beacon, highlighting the very thing you need to address. For me, it’s animal cruelty. I can’t ignore it, and that tells me I need to do something about it.
Encouraging Wisdom for a Growing Soul
She’s only 14, and these are hefty lessons—ones I’m still working through at 44. But I believe we often underestimate our children. We think their capacity for understanding is more limited than it truly is. If we share our human experiences with them—not preach, but genuinely share—it might lead to less trauma being passed down and more connection in the realization that we’re all navigating life for the first time, without any of us having it all figured out.
I'm Rachel Mehaffey
Hey, I'm a Single Mumma raising her little lady while running her own business & teaching others it's never too late to start again.
I love working at home in my trackies with my 2 pups snuggled in my lap. My mission, to help others back themselves to live the life they want with no doubts every darn day!
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