The 6 Pillars Of The Single Narrative Explained
THE SINGLE NARRATIVE
Written by Rachel Mehaffey
The Single Narratives in Society & How They Are Holding Us All Back.
Society has a set structure of how we should be living our lives. Born from good intentions but existing now on outdated information. We are living with past ideals in a modern world and there is simply no way we can thrive unless we challenge and overcome these narratives.
Modern society holds single narratives of how we should live our lives, imposing rigid expectations that limit our potential and happiness. These societal norms shape our beliefs and behaviors with the aim of offering consistency and certainty but in reality only leading us to conformity. There are six pillars of the Single Narrative I want to introduce you to and why it's essential to challenge these norms if we want to foster personal growth and mental well-being.
Pillar 1: The Idea You Have to Find 'The One'
Probably the most felt of all the narratives in this day and age I definitely see this one in my female social circles and my professional life. The notion that being single equates to being incomplete or somehow you are defective if you aren't part of a coupling. From a young age, we are taught there is a happy ever after and we covet a prince charming. There is this idea of perfect life altering love and if we don't find it we are destined to be alone, lonely and left on the shelf. We are taught we need to find our other half to be complete and without them there is no way we can fulfill all our own needs and complete our lives. This belief puts immense pressure on everyone to find "the one," a singular person to be our everything and it is simply not realistic often leading to rushed relationships or staying in unhealthy ones out of fear of being alone.
The harsh reality. Marriage is a property contract! Established in the day and age where women had no legal rights to own any property or title it was necessary for a woman to find and marry a man for stability and safety. Today, it is simply not the case so why are we still set on the idea of a perfect mate for each of us when in the beginning matrimony had nothing to do with love and everything to do with financial stability.
Pillar 2: Not Moving Around and Staying in One Place
There is a term out there often spat when describing those of us with free spirits and nomadic ways. Wunderlust. It implies someone who is not seated in reality, a Peter Pan if you will who is constantly moving and running from real life. I challenge the narrative so strongly because the world is a wide, big and beautiful place. Staying in your shade won't ever help you to grow. Stability is often equated with staying in one place, setting up a home, putting down roots behind a white picket fences and never moving out of your comfort zone. The idea we stick to one place and transience is discouraged for its inconsistency and assumed uncertainty. What I know: some of the most opinionated yet narrow minded people I know are the ones who have only ever lived in one place. They have never taken on the growth that comes with going somewhere you know nothing about and setting up a new network of people you have never met before! There is so much richness is seeing, you way is not the only way and perspective is everything! While stability has its benefits, it can most definitely limit experiences and opportunities for growth. It is not something to be afraid of but something to covet and plan for!
Pillar 3: Building a Life and the Expectations to Follow a Path
Go to school, finish University, get a job, meet 'The One', buy a home, have 2.5 kids and live happily ever after. Societal expectations often dictate a linear path for building a life: go to school, get a job, buy a house, get married, and have children. This path, while I am sure it is fitting for some, does not align with everyone's values or aspirations. Most people I know have already deviated from this path and those who are trying to stick to it are the most miserable of them all! My daughter may not go to university, she might start her own business or travel and dance. Who knows what her future holds and the thing is, I am happy it is not on a train track the way it used to be. Again the origins of the pathway were established to help but in this day and age only hinder us. Building a life is always attached to finding someone to build it with and, as we have already seen, the idea of 'The One' is limiting and more than that, we can do it on our own. We can buy the house, travel, start a business .. there is nothing stopping us from setting our own scene with the realm of possibilities in front of us now!
Pillar 4: Keeping the Same Religious or Cultural Beliefs All Through Life
Society often expects adherence to a singular religious or cultural belief. Usually this is the belief a child is raised with and the expectation this is followed to the note. The idea there cannot be lateral thinking of changes in beliefs. The idea there are some who live without religion is aborhernt to so many! Again we are looking at a set structured way in which to live and conduct life titled behind a religious narrative or cultural spectrum and while these beliefs can provide a strong foundation, they may not always resonate with our evolving understanding of the world. We may change how we see the world and feel differently to our approach as we grow and change. The central theme to any religion is to be a good human and live in respect and alignment with others, I think we can do that without a title and definitely if our views shift from one perspective of religion to another. We have to allow ourselves the freedom to change and grow into new ways of thinking and alignment.
Pillar5: Being One Consistent Person Throughout Life
The expectation to maintain a consistent personal identity. The idea we should not change. The notion we should be consistent at all times. There is so much pressure to show up without imperfections or inconsistencies. Everything we are told from a young age is about finding who we are as early as possible then sticking with it for life. The implied notion we should not be malleable. The idea we should not change is simply not realistic. Think of who we are at work verses with our partner or our family. Who we are with our friends and in different environments. Who we are is adaptable and as we grow, experience life and learn lessons who we are can also be vastly different to who we once were. In fact, without change we are stagnant. No one can remain the same person for life, how could we with all the living we are doing. Society often views change as instability or inauthenticity, but personal growth requires us to evolve and adapt.
Pillar 6: Sticking to the Same Career for All Your Life
Finish school, pick what you want to do for the rest of your life then go to university, put yourself into significant debt to achieve it. This idea we have to be one professional identity throughout life is limiting and unrealistic. We are asked to choose what we want to do as a child and that is meant to translate to adulthood. We are then held in this notion where career stability is seen as a key to success, meaning we are staying in the same job or field for our entire lives. We are honouring loyalty to one company as progressive when in reality, it is limiting. I was a recruiter for 20 years and I can tell you those who stayed with the same company did not progress with further learning, were pigeon holed to systems and process and were at the lower end of earning when it came to the market expectations. Staying still with one company let alone one career for life is limiting. We start to believe it is too late to change, we cannot retrain or change our direction later in life or at all. If COVID taught us anything it was work life balance and the flexibility we have to design our own careers and fiscal returns and a return to how it once was is outdated.
These are the 6 Pillars of the Single Narrative. The societal idea there is only one way to live life. By challenging these factions of living, by seeing the outdated origins of their norms and opening our eyes to the landscape of today we can live authentic and fulfilling lives. Not lives anchored to a narrative that does not serve us as person. It is essential to question societal norms and define our own paths based on our values and aspirations. One size does not fit all. We know this, we teach kids the reality with building blocks at a formative age so why are we trying to fit the square peg of life into a round hole?!
Keep it Simple - Sugar
Rach xx
I'm Rachel Mehaffey
Hey, I'm a Single Mumma raising her little lady while running her own business & teaching others it's never too late to start again.
I love working at home in my trackies with my 2 pups snuggled in my lap. My mission, to help others back themselves to live the life they want with no doubts every darn day!
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